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| This is my own chibi drawing. Follow me on IG: mO.Onbeam to see more |
Hallo,
It's been a long time not coming to this blog.
Well, terakhir kali aku datang ke sini itu selalu saja hubungannya dengan promosi buku. Tbh, I'm kinda feel bad for it. I want to update something that is not promoting, but I had no energy left to do something else that time.
Hari ini, aku datang ke sini cuma ingin melakukan update saja karena kangen menulis random di blog. Sudah lama banget nggak nulis random yang nggak ada hubungannya dengan promosi maupun BTS.
I dunno, I'm just feeling kinda blue lately. Partly because I don't know... probably because I'm in intersection of my life right now.
Kalau ada yang ngikutin aku di IG, mungkin sering lihat aku update lagi menggambar. Well, yeah. Dari awal tahun ini aku sedang mengikuti kelas Diploma ilustrasi di salah satu sekolah ilustrasi di Jakarta. Programnya hanya berlangsung satu tahun, tapi it's really hard. I mean itu benar-benar sebuah keputusan yang ekstrem untukku. Like, resign from a perfectly paid job. Well, not so perfect but yeah it's monthly and the office is openly comfortable for me to do anything I wanted, except it was a super boring for me. Probably, I just want to step out from my comfort zone, being there in the office, I was too comfortable without any growth and I have no enough passion to grow in there either.
Menggambar itu adalah salah satu kesukaanku sewaktu SMP. Sebuah hobi yang nyaris terlupakan karena kesibukan belajar. I remember the time when I really love reading Manga and drawing my favorite character from there.
Untuk aku memutuskan resign dari tempatku bekerja sebelumnya bukanlah suatu keputusan yang impulsive sih sebenarnya. I have thought about it since two year before. Aku bahkan sempat mencoba mengambil kursus singkat di sekolah itu, tapi entah mengapa aku merasa selalu ada yang kurang, like I'm still not able to draw anything I want.
Lantas, setelah delapan bulan belajar intensive, apakah ada yang berubah? Apa sekarang aku jadi jago gambar? Well, haha. It's still far. Membaik sih iya, jago... it's like a myth probably.
Sesungguhnya, alasan aku menulis postingan blog ini juga karena I'm feeling confused about what I am going to do after this. I know making mistake is better than make no step at all, but I'm still confused. I don't want to go back to my life like before, but yet I want to work again in the office, get monthly payment and have no worries about how to pay anything. Karena aku sudah belajar menggambar, tbh, I want to work in illustration field job. Make use of my improvement. But, I don't feel like my skill is par enough for industry.
People said, just do it. You are being hard to yourself. Probably things are not that complicated as you thought, but I still...
I'm trying to get know what actually I want to do dan apa sih yang bisa komit kukerjakan meskipun sedang menghadapi kesulitan sekali pun. I know at my age, I should have decided what I want to do for life, tapi other people cannot decide that for me, neither they can decided pada umur berapa aku harus mencapai pencapaian apa. Living a life is a long journey to take. No one have the same pace with other people. No one have the same timing to reach some point. We all have our own way. But, people always told me you should do this, you should have done this at your age. And subtly inside, I'm also applying that standart to myself. I'm trying to break that out and find my own pace, but as people grow older, it seems like their fear for life also grow along. The older they become, the more fear they have.
11 September 2019
